


If you don't swim you'll drown

by ChibyL



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-09-28 18:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17188028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibyL/pseuds/ChibyL
Summary: Calum was a swimming champ. But that was the past. That was before -And Michael is a swimming tutor who likes to work with kids and wants to rise money to go to college.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy this one!

Michael likes his job. He loves swimming, he loves water in its every form and kind. And he didn't expect that, but he likes kids too. Teaching them how to swim makes Michael feel important in some way. He likes when a frightened little kid suddenly smiles, enjoying being in the pool with him and they actually have fun. It's a bit annoying when kids cry and they make other kids - on which Michael has worked so hard on - cry too. But that's part of the job and Michael doesn't complain about it.

His last class just ended and he sent all the kids to the showers and now he is cleaning up the mess they made together. He is still dripping water onto the floor, only in his swimming pants when Matty appears in front of him.

'Do you want to earn more money, Michael?' he asks and Michael doesn't know what he is supposed to answer. Of course he does, but when he asked for a pay rise Matty laughed at him.

'I might have a job for you.'

'What is that about?'

'Private lessons,' Matty tells him, 'the parents are willing to pay as much as you want as long as the kid gets over his fear of water.'

'A lot of kids are scared of water, that wouldn't be such a problem,' Michael considers out loud. Matty has always refused private lessons, something made him change his mind and Michael wonders what it is. He is not sure if he is allowed to ask or not, Matty is a very friendly guy, but Michael doesn't want to cross the line. His job is to teach, not to ask question. And he definitely needs money.

His esitation must be clear on his face, and Matty tries to explain. 'He is a friend of mine and he is having some issues. I think you are okay for this job.'

'I'm the best, I know!'

'If you say so,' Matty laughs at him, but Michael knows he has a good opinion about him. He is trusting Michael with a kid's friend after all. 'If you're on it, you could meet him tomorrow.'

'Cool. What time?'

'That's the thing. In the evening. Late.'

'My last class ends at 8.30 pm,' he says, well aware that Matty already knows.

'9.40 would be a good time then.'

'Are you kidding me? The gym closes at 9.30!'

'And the family wants some privacy.'

'For a swimming lesson?' Michael asks with a deep frown. But when Matty's reply is 'Take or leave,' he tells himself that time doesn't really matter. Again, he doesn't have anything to do. Or anyone to come back to.

.

Calum stares blankly in front of him. His mother's voice in the background keeps telling him that it's important for him to try, but Calum is so tired of hearing the same words over and over again.

His legs feel heavy, the constant needle like pain making him uncomfortable. He wishes he could just get up and run away, but the point is that: he can't get up and leave. He is stuck here, with his mom's constant mumbling and his sister's looks of pity. But what hurts the most is his father's silence. He tries to remember if the man ever spoke to him after what happened, but he can't recall one single word he said. He doesn't even say good morning, barely nodding his head in Calum's general direction the rare times they are in the same room.

'I'll think about it,' Calum says at some point, just to stop his mother's rambling. His throat is dry and his head hurts, he just wants to go to bed.

'Matty said-'

'I don't want Matty to be there,' he states. He loves Matty, he is grateful to him. Matty is the reason why Calum is still alive, but he won't set his foot in a swimming pool if Matty is going to be there.

Flashes of Matty's worried face appear in Calum's messed up mind. The smell of clorine, Matty' s bloodied hands and Ashton's screams are vivid memories and Calum feels his throat tighten like it did that night, he feels like he can't breathe and instantly pulls at the neck of his shirt, gulping air as fast as he can, trying to be subtle, not wanting to worry his mother. He is not having a panic attack. He is fine. 'I'll think about it,' he says again, his lungs still burning, 'But I don't want Matty to be there.'

With all his strength, Calum forces himself in a standing position, leaning over his crutches. He wishes his feet would just move like they used to. It's better than it was a few months ago, when he was stuck in bed, forced to use a catheter and a pan because he couldn't even go to the bathroom on his own, but it's still different from the normality he used to take for granted. He stands on his sore legs, pushing the crutches in front of him, then he leans on his broad arms, the only part of him that is still fit and drags his feet forward.

It takes so long to get to his room it's frustrating.

His room used to be upstairs, Calum thinks bitterly, looking at the stairs. They moved his bed downstairs when he was released from the hospital in a wheelchair that he couldn't even push on his own and he slept in the living room for a while. Then his psychiatrist pointed out that privacy would have been good for a barely eighteen years old boy, even if by then even Mali had seen Calum naked plenty of times, when she had had to change him or give him a bath. Everyone had seen him cry and have fits. So privacy was an odd concept for Calum back then.

Still, he is thankful to have his own room now. A room that he can reach on his own.

When he reaches his bed he is tired and his mind is working hard on every different situation. Three months and ten days. The last time he went to a swimming pool was so long ago. He is frightened of going back there.

Then why is he smiling?

 


	2. 1 - Michael, meet Calum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael meets the kid he is supposed to teach and well, he isn't exactly a kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know, I feel like this story has a lot of potential, but I'm not writing like I would. Should I even continue?

Calum is scared. A part of him is excited to be there, but it's just a small part, the one that has been buried under all the pressure, and the scare and the worries. He wants to go away. That's for sure. The only thought of the water surrounding him, covering him like a blanket, slipping through his hair makes his skin crawl. The same sensation that used to make him feel alive, now makes him wish he died that night. He isn't suicidal. Even when he woke up after surgery, with metal bars in his back and no feeling in his legs, he never wished to die. It's just that things are so hard sometimes.

His mom begs to get in the gym with him, but Calum refuses. He is almost nineteen now, he can do this on his own. He looks up at the green lights signaling the gym and he can feel his arms shaking. He is here.

Matty welcomes him with a forced smile, hugging him tightly and Calum melts into his big arms. He has known Matty for ten years maybe, but he never hugged him before that night.

Once Matty lets go, he waves at Joy and lets Calum hobble in. Calum sits, uncomfortably glancing around, his face half covered under the hood of his shirt. It's mostly because he likes the warm feeling, but if he has to be honest with himself, he doesn't want anyone in the gym to recognize him.

'I'm so happy you are here. When your mom called-'

'She did it behind my back,' Calum admits, playing with his shirt, 'I don't think I'm ready.'

'You' ll never be, Calum. But you used to love being here.'

That's the truth. Calum used to spend all his afternoons here, with Matty yelling at him because he wasn't fast enough or he was wasting his time chatting instead of training.

'Michael is my best bud,' Matty tells him. 'He teaches kids.'

'Kids?' Calum asks, his eyes filling of tears. He doesn't like the idea of someone needing to be there, but he knows he is physically unable to be alone in the water. Still, a kids' teacher makes him angry. He doesn't need that.

It looks like his face is perfectly showing his feelings, because Matty rushes to explain. 'I know that you could probably be the one who teaches him, but he is a year older than you and he is very friendly. He'll just be with you. Help you get over with your fear.'

.

Michael throws his pants and shirt on. His hair are still wet but he figures its okay, since he'll be swimming again soon. Matty just asked him to meet the  kid in the hall and he figures his parents want to talk to him, ask him to be careful and tell him a hundredth times that the kid is so little and so scared. He has been over that countless times.

'Matty?' he calls from the end of the hallway, 'I'm ready.'

He finds Matty talking to a guy, both of them sitting on a couch. The guy is wearing a hoodie, his face hidden under it and he is playing with the hem of his shirt with his fingers in a way that makes Michael think that he is uncomfortable.

'I'm sorry, I thought the kid was already here,' He says, ready to go back in the dressing room and wait there.

But then Matty speaks and Michael can't help but stare at him with his mouth half open. 'The kid is here,' Matty says, almost apologetic that he didn't explicitly told Michael how old the 'kid' was. 'He is Calum. Calum, this is Michael.'

Calum looks up at Michael, without taking his hood off and his eyes are half hidden behind his black locks,but there is something into them that makes Michael uncomfortable. He is scared. This guy, who looks a couple years younger than Michael, is absolutely petrified. Michael can see him shiver if he looks closer.

He wonders how old the kid - the guy actually - is. And why does he want to learn how to swim if it makes him feel so bad?

'Do you need help?' Matty asks and Michael shakes his head, thinking that the question is directed to him.

Then he watches as the boy shakes his head too, he hasn't said a word yet. Matty hands him a pair of crutches and the boy shakily gets on his feet, leaning on them. The hood falls a bit more over his face and he shakes it to take it off his eyes.

'Are you done staring at him?' Matty asks, leaning in Michael's direction and Michael comes back to reality, glaring at Matty. These are the kind of things that Michael is supposed to know before meeting someone.

He turns on himself, mumbling a 'Come with me,' that lacks of his usual confidence. They walk in silence, the only noise being the click of the crutches on the ground.

The door to the pool is open, but the boy stops a few feet away from it. 'I'm not sure I can do this,' he mumbles and Matty puts a hand on his shoulder.

'Do you want me to come in?'

The boy's eyes widen in pure fear, 'No, please. Please you can't come in. I can't.'

That's when Michael decides to step in the conversation. He settles himself in front of the boy, who is an inch shorter than him, the difference probably exaggerated due to his position, leaning on the crutches. 'It's okay to be scared, you know? We'll just leave Matty waiting here and get inside. You don't have to get in the pool if you don't want to, we'll just... Look at the pool and have a chat. Get to know each other and see if the lessons are worth or not.'

Michael briefly looks up at Matty, just to be sure he is doing the right thing and then he looks back at the boy.

'I'm scared,' he says, adjusting his left arm on the handle of the crutch. His voice is raspy and his breath slightly labored. Michael wants to kill Matty for throwing him into this, but at the same time, he really wishes he could get the boy to calm down.

'Just come with me. The door is open and we can get out at anytime.'

The boy barely nods, crutching his way inside with a wordless Matty staring at them.

Michael can feel Matty's eyes on him, he knows that he won't leave them alone for some unknown reasons and he decides he'll question him later. But for now he only focuses on the boy.

'Do you want to sit down?' he asks, noticing the boy's pained expression.

It's not surprising that he nods, taking a seat on a bench next to the door. They sit uncomfortably silent for a solid five minutes.

'I used to love this,' the boy whose name Michael doesn't rember say. He is sad, can barely look up at the water and his hood is still covering his face. 'I can't go in there. Hope my parents pay you enough for wasting your time on me.'

Michael flinches at his tone, why is he wasting money if he isn't even going to try? 'Do you have a swim suit?'

'I think my mum put it in my bag.'

'Cool. Want to wear it?'

The boy looks up, 'What do you think? I just want to go home.'

Michael is doing his best to stop thinking that this boy is just a spoiled rich brat and he has to remember that Matty is watching them. 'Okay, do you think you can try and get closer to the water? Or at least explain why you hate it so bad?'

'I'm too tired to walk over there,' the boy says and Michael rolls his eyes. It's barely ten steps, even on crutches it's not that long. And he could sit on the edge of the pool.

He stands up, settling himself in front of the boy. With kids it's easier, because kids are smaller. He would take him in his arms and settle him on the edge of the pool, grabbing his toy set and making him play with buckets and balls. But the boy is too heavy and too old for that.

'Let's get you up,' Michael says, leaning over to grab the boy's waist and pull him in a upright position. He is heavier than he looks, but it is still easy for Michael to hold him. The boy shakes in surprise and his first instinct is to push Michael away. With the corner of his eye, he sees Matty ready to get in the room, but then the boy settles himself in Michael's grasp and puts his hands on his shoulders.

'What are you doing?' he asks, out of breath.

'I'm helping you. I don't think I can carry you, but I'll help you walk.'

'Why would I trust you better then my crutches?'

Michael laughs, pulling him and forcing him to walk. 'Because your crutches would wait for you, I'm going to force you to walk over there,' he explains. The boy is almost a dead weight and Michael's arms are screaming in pain, but he is making an effort, sliding his feet on the ground and trying to walk with Michael.

'I'm sorry, I'm hurting you,' the boy says, 'And I don't even remember your name.'

'Im Michael. And I don't remember yours, hoodie boy.'

'That's Calum. Can we stop? We are too close.'

Michael stops, adjusting Calum's body in his arms and almost tripping the both of them on the process. 'Oh God, I'm sorry you are okay, aren't you? I didn't hurt you?'

'I'm not made of glass, you know,' he says.

Michael is stuck between hating how spoiled the kid is and pitying him for his health at this point. He doesn't ask what's wrong with his legs, even if curiosity is killing him.

He finally manages to take Calum over the edge of the pool. He isn't sure of what will happen now. He almost thought he'd be able to get Calum in the water.

'Can we sit?' Calum asks, staring blankly in front of him.

Michael lowers him on the ground gently and sits next to him. It's awkward. 'You know, if you had your swimsuit on, you'd be more comfortable,' he tries.

'I don't think so,' Calum mumbles,playing with his shirt again. 'What time is it? I want to go home.'

'We have been here for no more than than ten minutes, you know? You are stuck with me for a while. So, we'd better talk at least.'

'Or not.'

'Why are you here, if you don't want to swim?'

'My parents want me to.'

And what kind of answer is that? Why can't he just tell his parents that he doesn't want to? Michael makes the mistake to tell Calum what he is thinking and the boy reacts pushing him and Michael is so used to work with kids that he isn't expecting the hit to be so hard. It's reflex that Michael grabs Calum's arm to try and stop himself from falling. It's totally not Michael's fault that Calum is unstable and they both end up falling in the pool.

It wouldn't be that much of a problem, if it wasn't that Calum was afraid of water.

As soon as Michael's confused brain realises it he catches his breath, emerging on the surface and grabs a choking Calum in his arms.

The water barely reach their shoulders, but Calum's legs don't work and the boy is absolutely petrified, even now that Michael is keeping him up. He isn't coughing, but he isn't breathing either. Michael slaps his face a couple of times, calling his name, but Calum just shakes in his arms, looking at Michael's general direction but not focusing on his face.

Michael doesn't acknowledges Matty's presence until he is towering over them, from the edge of the pool, pulling Calum up by his armpits and out of the water. He tries to talk to Calum, but the boy is totally unresponsive, his lips white, tears streaming down his face.

'He pushed me,' Michael explains, getting out of the water and in front of Calum again, 'I didn't mean to hurt him. Is he okay?'

'Michael, just go away. I'm on it.'

Michael wants to ask so many questions. He wants to help. But he doesn't want to get on Matty's bad side, so he does what he has been told to. He leaves his hair wet, not wanting to spend too much time there and just heads home.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calum is back and determined to get over with his fear and Michael wants to know why he is scared in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year to everyone!
> 
> This chapter is short, but it is kind of heavy. I hope it's alright, even if I'm not that proud of the outcome. 
> 
> As much as I love writing, I'm not English and sometimes I feel like the sentences i write are awkward. I think I need a BETA READER so, is there anyone who wants to help? Please!
> 
> Enjoy!

When Michael steps his foot in the swimming pool the next day, his heart is beating like it never did before.

He is at least an hour early, he has to talk to Matty before his class starts. So heads to the gym, where a slightly bored Matty is watching two guys lift weights.

'Can we talk?' he asks, swallowing hard. 'Do I still have my job?'

'Why wouldn't you?' Matty asks looking away from the two boys and staring at Michael.

'Well, I gave that guy a panic attack.'

'That wasn't your fault, I should have told you what to expect. You actually handled him pretty well.'

Michael laughs out loud. He gets closer two one of the boys, adjusting his hands so that he doesn't hurt himself while lifting the bar. He worked in the gym area for a couple months when his colleague broke his arm and even if he doesn't like it as much as the swimming pool, it isn't too bad. 'Ask him how bad it was!' he answers Matty, thinking of Calum's terrified eyes.

The wooden chair where Matty is sitting scrapes on the floor as he stands up, waving at Michael to follow him. 'He likes you. He'll come back tonight and you can call it a victory.'

'He is coming back?' Michael says, frowning. He was sure that the boy never wanted to see him again, he was even afraid his rich parents were going to sue Michael. He sure as hell didn't expect for him to want to come back.

'Michael, do you have any idea of how many times that kid has tried to get near a swimming pool in the past months? You are-'

'No, Matty. That's the point. I have no idea, I didn't even know I wasn't teaching a five years old kid until he was in front of me. How is he even supposed to learn how to swim if he can't walk?'

Matty gives him a stern look. 'He doesn't need to learn. But that's not my place to tell. Just ask him, make him talk as much as you can. But be careful around him.'

Maybe Michael should consider dropping off the offer. Maybe this isn't worth it. But then again. Michael lives alone, his only friend works all day and he doesn't have anything better to do. He'll give himself another chance.

He can't help but wonder how Matty knows Calum. He thought Matty was friend with his parents at first, but now he has a feeling Matty is attached to boy himself. Matty is at least ten years older than Michael, so he and Calum can't just be friends. He guesses its something he'll get to know with time.

.

It's Calum' s choice to come back.

When his mom came to get him home and found him soaking, Joy yelled at Matty. Matty apologized, running his big hand through Calum's hair, still trying to comfort him after his panic attack. But Calum stopped his mom, whispering that he was okay with Michael helping him. It wasn't Michael in particular, it was just the fact that he didn't know Calum's past, he didn't pressure him. He just wanted to do the job he was being paid for, and Calum was fine with that.

When he comes back, he asks Matty to get Michael. He hates being unable to step in a room on his own, but he can't help it. He needs Michael.

'Hey,' Michael waves, approaching him and Calum can tell his smile is forced.

'I'm sorry for the other day.'

'I'm sorry too. Are you sure you want to try again?'

Calum nods and it's the first time he doesn't hesitate. 'I know I'm not easy. If you don't-'

Calum almost expects Michael to say that he is alright, that he has seen worse. He is surprised in a good way when Michael replies, 'Let's just try, okay?' and guides Calum in the room, both of them sitting on the bench.

'My mom made me wear a swimsuit this time.' Calum says out of the blue. It's a new swimsuit, not the ones he used to wear and that's for two reasons. First one being that he has lost so much weight and muscles that they are probably too big now, second one, he doesn't want anything that reminds him of his past. The simple fact that he is in the kids'pool, far away from the one he trained into means a lot to him. And there is no need to tell anyone that it wasn't exactly his mom tk make him wear the swimsuit. Maybe he did want to wear it. Maybe he wants this to be all over.

'And I bet Matty told you something,' he says instead. He needs to know how much Michael knows, before trusting him.

Michael looks up at Calum, nodding shily. 'He said you don't need to learn how to swim. And that I have to wait for you to open up.'

'Matty is a bitch,' Calum says out loud, 'And if he is overhearing all of this, he'd better go away!' He knows too well where Matty is, he wonders if Michael knows too.

Footsteps are heard and Calum figures they are alone now. The thing is, Matty respects him. Calum has hated him so many times, when Matty forced him over his limit, when he came home with cramps in his legs and his eyes closing, because it was so fucking late. He hated Matty when he yelled at him, when he always expected him to do better. He never knew how much Matty truly cared about him, until that night. But he is sure of this, Matty has always respected Calum as a person.

The water is so relaxing. Calum can feel tears threatening to spill from his eyes and has to look away. There is a ball on the floor, Calum figures that Michael forgot to put it away. 'Matty will be mad if you leave things like that,' he says,desperately trying to keep thoughts away from his mind.

'I'll tell him you used it,' Michael says with a grin.

'Really? The ball? I'm more the watering can type!'

Michael is easy and Calum likes that. All the other people around just treat him differently. All of them can only see the unlucky guy whose carrier was taken away when they look at him. Michael makes him feel normal for a change.

For the first time, Calum takes his hoodie off, completely getting rid of his shirt. 'I think I want to get in,' he says in a burst of confidence. He throws his pants on the ground and Michael chokes on his spit. Calum would be brave enough to casually comment on how hot the situation is, but he knows better. Michael is probably just surprised that he got so confident all of a sudden.

After a moment, Michael stands up. 'Cool! Let's go!' he says, hugging Calum's waist as he did the other time and Calum let's him do. Soon enough he is put on his feet and mostly carried  until they are sitting the same way they already did.

Is he afraid of falling again? He is. He is terrified, to be honest. His heart is beating so hard in his chest that he is afraid he is having a heart attack. 'Oh God,' he chokes out, looking for Michael's hand to hold. 'I don't want to go in there.'

'Thats alright. We can just stay here for a while. Relax,' Michael tells him, squeezing his hand. 'If you stop thinking and just calm down you'll realise that water is the most calming thing ever.'

That's true. Or at least, it used to be. 'I hate water.'

'Im sure you have you have your reasons. But water doesn't want to harm you.'

'Do you tell this to kids who come here' Calum asks, cracking his eyes open, just to look at Michael and mock him. Annoying Michael makes him feel better.

And Michael doesn't seem to mind.

'Kids are easier, you know? I  
play ball with them and when the ball gets in the water, I refuse to go take it if they are not coming,' Michael explains.

'I used to do the same.'

'You used to work here?' Michael asks and Calum knows he is trying to put the pieces together without overstepping.

He shakes his head, 'Matty trained me, I just liked to help when I came too early.'

'Train?'

'He used to be my coach. He doesn't do that anymore, I guess. But he was good at that.'

Even if he never confronted Matty about it Calum knows it's his fault that Matty doesn't coach anymore, so the least Calum can do is tell everyone how good he was. He doesn't have the strength to tell Matty that he should reconsider his choice and give himself another chance. Matty deserves it, but Calum can barely help himself, he doesn't have words to spend on him.

'Look down, Calum.' Michael says, forcing him back to reality.

'I can't. You don't want me to throw up in the pool.' Calum explains and even if Michael doesn't seem to believe him, Calum is one gag away from throwing up.

So Michael gets down in the water and settles himself in front of Calum. 'Look at me, Calum. If you throw up, I'll clean.'

Calum looks up instead. He swallows his spit, breathing slowly through his nose. He grabs Michael's arm and clenches it tight. It's dumb, Michael is tall and the water barely reaches his waist, but Calum is scared to let go. He wants to tell Michael to just take him away, but he is having another panic attack and he can't talk. His tongue feels heavy in his mouth and his head is spinning. He is going to die.

The calming voice of Michael comes muffled to his ringing ears. 'Breathe,' it says and Calum is trying, but there is something pressing on his chest and he can't win against it.

His cheek stings and later on there will be a hand print on it from how hard Michael is slapping him, but right now he can barely feel it. He can't feel Michael's skin breaking under his nails from how deep he is pressing into his arm.

He is dying.

Dark spots appear in his vision, he keeps blinking, but he can't see any better. He recognises Michael's red locks, his green eyes. Then he sees water again.

And everything goes black.

 


	4. Not a date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bites of Calum's past and the first time Michael and Calum send time together out of the pool.

Michael pushes himself out of the water, scrambling to get Calum's legs out. He calls Calum's name countless times shaking him, but everything seems useless. The boy's breaths are so labured that Michael himself can't breathe properly just looking at him.

And then he goes limp in Michael's arms. Michael lowers him gently on the floor. He is about to get up and look for Matty when Calum's eyes flutter open.

He looks around confused, then realization hits him.

'I'm sorry,' he whispers, coughing and Michael helps him sit up a bit so that he doesn't choke.

'Are you okay? You scared the fuck out of me.' Michel sighs, allowing himself to relax a bit.

Calum leans against him to keep himself upright. He looks tired. 'I said I'm sorry,' he repeats himself in a low strained voice. 'Please don't tell Matty. I don't want my mother to know. I get if you don't want to do this anymore, just don't tell him-'

'You talk to much for being someone who was just unconscious.'

'My head hurts,' Calum complains, holding it with one hand, 'Can we... Get out?'

He looks so sad and Michael just wants to hug and shelter him from whatever is hurting him. He nods, worried that Calum won't be able to walk, but the boy has enough strength to slowly make his way to the bench.

That's the first time Michael actually looks at the boy's back. He gasps, biting his lip and hoping Calum hasn't heard him.

There is a pinkish scar on Calum's back. It begins in the middle of his back, follows his spine and disappears under the band of his swimsuit. It looks ugly and painful and Michael can't help but wonder what happened to the boy.

'Are you okay?' Calum asks, finally sitting back down.

'You are the one who just passed out, I should be asking you that.'

'And I'm used to this, you aren't.'

Michael can tell the boy has been through a lot but gotten used to it. He is still shaking, even if he is trying to brush it off as nothing and his lips are still pale, they almost look translucent.

He offers him a towel and watches as he rubs his legs dry and dresses himself up. He isn't sure of what to say. Maybe Calum hasn't realised what Michael just saw. He is already so upset, would it be fair to ask?

Even when Calum is ready and dressed up again, Michael is still considering what to do.

'Why are you staring at me?' Calum asks after he's settled down.

'I... You have a scar,' Michael finally spills out.

Realisation finally hits Calum. His face twists in a snort, then he looks away from Michael and back at the water. 'I got surgery,' he says with a suddenly raspy voice, 'Can you just let this go?'

'Calum-'

'Please. I feel like my head is being hit with a hammer and I think I need to throw up. I don't want to answer that.'

The subject is immediately dropped when Calum gags for real. Michael reacts quickly enough to grab the bin from the corner of the room and holds it under Calum's chin just in time for him to throw up into it.

'Do I need to call Matty?' he asks, helplessly looking at how Calum keeps retching.

Calum shakes his head, spitting one more time, 'No, I'm alright. Don't tell Matty.'

With a sigh, Michael let's go of the bin and waits for Calum to do something. He wonders why he is allowing Calum to have so much control over him. It's crystal clear that this isn't healthy and that Michael can't handle it. They should call Matty, but still Michael is doing as Calum asks.

When he has almost given up, ready to talk again, Calum stands up. Surprisingly he doesn't go back to the entrance where Matty is supposed to be, pretending to work on computer when he is actually playing cards online. Instead Calum heads to the staff dressing room and Michael doesn't even bother to ask why he knows the way.

'Where are you going?' he asks instead.

'I can't go home yet and you need to have a shower and get dressed. I'll just wait.'

'Matty-' Michael tries to object but Calum looks at him with the most persuasive puppy eyes and Michael - who is supposed to be trained to resist to puppy eyes, working with cute kids all the time - can only nod and let him be.

'Fine, I'll be quick. You just make yourself comfortable.

.

Calum stares at the place. He used to sneak in with Ashton all the time, mostly because the shower are cleaner than the ones they were supposed to use. But maybe also because they loved to piss Matty off.

The smell of chlorine is strong, but it isn't as disgusting as it was yesterday and that counts as a victory for Calum. His left leg twitches and he almost flinches in pain. It's a good thing, doctors tell him and he tries to be strong and believe them, even if it's uncomfortable and makes him want to give up.

When Michael is finally all clean and dressed up, it's almost time for the lesson to end.

'So, are you coming back or...?'

Calum smiles, 'I'm coming back. I know you don't think so, but I'm making progress.'

'I wish I'd be able to understand.'

'I wish I'd be able to tell you. Or to tell Matty to tell you, but I can't. I - I like you not knowing,' Calum says. He knows it's not fair, but it's just how his brain works. 'I like that there is someone who knows me for who I am and not for who I used to be and never will be again.'

Michael let's him ramble, nodding as if he is pretending to understand.

'Do you want to go out with me? ' Calum asks at some point and Michael chokes on his spit.

'I didn't mean like a date. I mean, I don't have a lot of friends. I kinda pushed everyone out of mi life and the only friend I have works most of the time. So...'

 

There is a flash of sadness in Michael's eyes and Calum knows he can relate when ne answers. 'Cool. I don't have a lot of friends either.'

 

Calum gets back up on his crutches, his left hand slipping and almost making him tumble down, before Michael catches him.

 

They are close, but it's different from when Michael had picked him up before. It's not a good different but not necessarily a bad one either.

 

'I don't want you to do this out of pity. I am not very depressed when I'm not here. Maybe I am a little when I'm at home, though' Calum says. He actually spends most of his days at home and that's kinda depressing, but he doesn't need to point that out. Michael already has enough reasons to think he is weird, he doesn't need to add onto that.

 

'W ell, we can go out then,' Michael tells him, 'It's not like I have anything better to do.'

 

A frown appears on Calum's face as he bites on his lip. 'I need to ask my mom though. I know it's weird, but she is a bit overprotective,' Calum rambles. It wasn't like that... Well, before. She used to let him do whatever he wanted to, one of the many benefits of being the second child. Most of his parents' worries were spent on Mali when she was younger and he was okay with that. Then he became a five years old once again. Even Mali babies him now.

 

'Parents usually love. Well, except for my own parents, but that doesn't matter,' Michael says, without even thinking that he is giving out way too many personal informations. 'She's gonna love me and let me take you out.'

 

'It really sounds like a date now. Are you taking me somewhere cool at least?' Calum asks trying to lighten up the mood.

 

Michael frowns at him, 'You asked me first, you are supposed to take me somewhere fancy and pay for me.'

  
Calum laughs, readjusting himself on his crutches on heading out. 'Don't tell anyone what happened,' he says once again, already seeing his mom standing at the end of the hallway.

'Are you okay?' she asks, approaching him and taking his bag. Calum doesn't miss the disappointed look she casts at Michael, expecting he would be the one carrying Calum's things and he hates it. He is not that handicapped.

'I'm fine mom,' he says forcing himself to be gentle to gain what he wants, 'Mom, this is Michael, I think you didn't meet properly yesterday.'

Joy forces a smile and shakes Michael's hand as her son keeps talking.

'I'm going out with him, I mean, if it's okay.'

As soon as Joy opens his mouth, Michael steps in the conversation, putting his arm on Calum's shoulder. 'We' ll just go down the street, there is a nice cafe. I won't take him home too late.'

'And how exactly are you going to get there?' Joy asks and even Matty rolls his eyes behind her back.

'Michael has a car, Joy. It will only be good for him to go out sometimes. Come on!'

'If you want to go somewhere you can always go with me and Mali,' she tries.

She isn't exactly a bad person, Calum loves her. But it's getting pretty embarrassing now and he regrets thinking it was a good idea in the first place.

'Mom, please,' he whines.

'Mrs Hood, don't worry. Calum is going to call you when we get there and when we leave. I'll take care of him, I promise.'

The whole situation makes Calum want to die, but maybe, just maybe, he smiles a real smiles when Joy finally gives in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm late, but life has been... Frantic!
> 
> First of all, I want to thank my beta reader! 
> 
> And now, questions. 
> 
> Did you enjoy the chapter? 
> 
> What do you think about Calum's story? 
> 
> What's your favorite video from 5sos?


	5. Episodes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calum and Michael go out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back! I'm sorry, but I dont't think I'll ever be able to have a regular schedule. Still, the plot is all in my head, many chapters are already written and more drama is ready to come.  
> This is just a little filler, but it gets in the boy's lives a bit more.  
> As always, let me know what you think about this story, it makes me kinda sad to think that no one is actually reading this.
> 
> Enjoy!

 

 

''Do you really want to go to the Cafe down the street?'' Calum asks when they are alone, sitting in Michael's car. The car's a bit different than how he imagined it. Not that he had thought about Michael's car before. But he wasn't expecting such a huge and classy car from someone who wears ripped jeans and dies his hair. He kinda likes it though.

''Yeah, why?'' Michael replies with a frown.

''You know, coffee is pretty shitty over there and their food reminds me of the hospital.''

Michael gives him a weird look, trying to object. ''I've been there a couple of times with a friend of mine. You know the guy who applied me for the job at the gym and-''

''Okay, not going to lie about this. The Cafe is nice and Annemarie, the owner is really a sweetie. But she knows me and I want to go somewhere else, where no one can recognize me.'' And where no one will ask questions, Calum thinks to himself.

Michael shrugs and turns the car on. ''Fine, I'm taking you in the place where they make the best cheeseburgers ever. But it happens to be two hours away, is that okay?''

This is why Calum likes Michael so much. He's so easy and so careless and Calum just smiles at him like an idiot.

The car radio plays 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' and Michael sings along, putting so much passion into it that it makes Calum's heart melt. And he swears he isn't an easy guy, he doesn't get emotional over these things.

''Sing along, Calum!'' Michael yells as if he was an actual singer in the middle of his best performance. It makes Calum laugh, but then the bridge comes and Calum sings along too, not caring how high his notes are. It kinda fits with Michael's low ones, so he's okay with that.

''That was amazing,'' Michael says when the radio goes silent. ''I used to play this cover with a friend of mine.' '

''So you are really into music?''

Michael shakes his head, ''Not as much as I wish. My parents didn't encourage it. They refused to pay for music lessons, so I'm mostly self-taught. They didn't want me to study music in college, either. Families are always like that.''

Calum bites his lip. He disagrees, actually. His family has always encouraged him regardless of what he was doing. He still remembers when his dad took him to his first swimming lesson. Calum was a small kid, a lot smaller than the other boys in his class and he got picked on for that. So his dad encouraged him with sports. When he failed in school because he had too many hours of working out with Matty, he didn't get mad. He told him that he was proud of Calum being so good.

''I know, right?'' Calum says, just because he doesn't want to contradict Michael and Michael grins at him.

''But don't worry. I'll study music in college next year!'' Michael explains.

''That's a good idea. Is this why you are working at Matty's? I mean, like, saving up-''

''That and to pay rent.'' Michael tells him. He glances at Calum's face, barely making out his features in the darkness of the space and adds, ''And just to have something to do during the day.''

Calum glances back at him, trying to figure out the meaning of his words. His frown quickly turns into a grimace.

''Fuck!'' 

There's a burning sensation in his back and a few seconds later it turns into a strong pain in his left tight that makes him double over and grab his leg with both hands, holding his breath so that he doesn't scream.

''Hey, what's wrong? Do you need me to pull over?'' Michael asks, shaking him by the shoulder.

''I'm fine,'' Calum manages to spit out between his clenched teeth. He rests his head on the dashboard, not ready to sit straight yet.

''I'm sorry. I'm - I'm good,'' Calum says after a few minutes, trying to ignore the awful sensation. His foot is twitching now and he can't control it. The pain moved from his thigh to his lower leg and he can feel the muscles spasming under his hands.

He comes back to reality only when the car stops and he feels Michael pushing him back against the seat.

''What's wrong?''

''Nothing, Michael, really. I'm good.''

''You aren't. And I really want to go out with you, but you need to tell me what's happening. I was about to crash into the car in front of me. I need to know that things like this can happen.''

Calum feels like crying. His mom was probably right, he shouldn't have gone out. He can always go with Mali, at least she knows how to handle him and he doesn't need to be strong in front of her.

'' You don't need to be strong in front of me either, Calum,'' Michael says and Calum bites his tongue when he realizes that he was thinking out loud.

''Please, tell me what's wrong,'' he insists.

Calum looks at Michael's left. The sky is dark and he can't really see anything, but it's better than looking at Michael. ''It was just a spasm. Nothing too bad.''

''You're crying,'' Michael points out, ''Is it your leg?''

''My calf mostly.''

''Did anyone tell you what to do when you get them?'' Michael asks, moving a bit closer and forcing Calum's hands off his leg. He begins rubbing the place where Calum's barely existent muscles are cramping. Calum technically knows what to do, but the pain is so intense that he can't help himself. Luckily for him, Michael knows what he is doing and the pain slowly fades, reducing to a dull ache. ''Better?''

A nod is Calum's only reply.

When Michael feels how uncomfortable he is, he doesn't drop the subject but he doesn't pressure Calum into talking like everyone else does.

''I used to get cramps when I went on a crazy diet a couple of years ago. Learned the hard way how to treat them.' '

''Thanks,'' Calum chokes out. He is out of breath and his mouth has a weird taste, it happens whenever he gets anxious. But at least he isn't stuttering.

''Hey now, I'm taking you in the best burger store in the city. Can I get a smile at least?''

Calum forces a smile and after the little episode, everything goes the right way.

He ends up going home way too late for his mom's liking, but when Mali yells at her to shut up, she lets Calum be.

His dad is still awake when Calum comes back and for a moment he enjoys even the thought that he might be angry. But then he stands up and goes upstairs without even glancing at Calum.

It's clear by now that his dad is disappointed that he's not able to swim anymore. He isn't his dad's champion and he'll never be that again. It's time for him to accept that.

All in all, he had a good day, he had fun with Michael and he won't let his dad ruin it.   
  


.

When Michael comes home, his house is cold and no one is waiting for him. He turns the TV on first because he needs some noise and then he sits on the couch. He'll probably fall asleep there once again, but he doesn't bother to go up in his room and it's not like there is someone to tell him to.

He is tired, but when his phone vibrates in his pocket, he still checks on it. There is a text from Ashton.

\- U awake?

Instead of answering, Michael calls him. ''Why are you awake this late?'' Michael asks when his friend picks up.

''Hi, Ashton! I haven't heard from you in a while. Are you okay? Oh, yes, Michael. I'm great,'' Ashton says mocking him.

''Yeah, whatever. What do you need Ash?'' 

There is a noise and Michael guesses Ashton dropped the phone. Then he picks it up and talks, ''What were you doing out so late?'' 

Michael feels stupid to be so flustered that someone bothers enough to ask why he was late. He doesn't have a lot of people to talk to. It's just nice that someone cares. ''Are you stalking me now?'' he asks Ashton, trying to not show his feelings.

''No, Michael. I went to yours and you weren't home. So, how was your date?'' 

Michael doesn't bother asking how Ashton knew he had a date. He knows, as always.

The funny thing is that he met Ashton barely three months ago and the boy got so clingy from the start. Surprisingly Ashton made his way to Michael's heart, growing into him way too quickly for his standards. And Michael owns a lot to Ashton. He picked him up when he was in a really bad place. He knows Ashton is suffering too, but the boy always manages to plaster a smile on his face and get through the day. Michael tried to ask about it a couple of times, but Ashton shrugged and dropped the subject, so Michael doesn't ask anymore.

''My date was nice. He is a boy from work. You know, the one who needed private lessons. Turns out he is not a kid.'' 

In the end, Michael explains anything about the boy he met. Ashton is good at listening and he seems oddly interested in Michael's work life. 


End file.
